Lost Cause
by Kup of Koko
Summary: Steve Rogers was the man with a plan. And he had a plan. A perfect, infallible plan. But things don't always work out the way we want them to. Oneshot containing Fem!Tony; Earth 3490


So, for Valentine's Day, I totally had this cute, tooth-rotteningly sweet story all planned out, then someone nuked my life. But, you guys deserve something for all the crap I put you through, so I dug around my hard-drive and found this thing floating around (I really need to post some of that junk), and thought, what the heck, so...here's this. I was going to have it out the day of, but editing took longer than I thought it would, and it still isn't that great. Seriously, this is the most angsty, depressing thing that I have ever written-I blame my driver's ed class, for too many depressing movies. But, hey, we all need a little angst once in a while, right? :)

* * *

**Title**: Lost Cause

**Pairing: **Steve/Toni

**Disclaimer: **All belongs to Marvel, guys. Just playin' in the sandbox.

**Warnings****: **Alcohol is involved, and there's a lot of blood. Possible character death. Genderbending (Should this even be on the warnings list? Aw well, I stick it on here anyway. And, to be fair, Marvel did it first. ;) Oh, and I messed Toni's age a bit, to make it closer to Steve's. I regret nothing!XD

* * *

_I'm a lost cause_

_A lost, lost cause_

_No one can understand me  
Like you can understand  
No one can fill your shadow  
'Cause you are all I am_

_-Lost Cause, Imagine __Dragons_

* * *

Steve fiddled anxiously with the small, seemingly harmless black box tucked in his dress pants pocket.

He was going to do it. Tonight. There was no backing out, down, sideways, whatever. He was the man with a plan: the tux, the fancy restaurant (the name of which he _still_ could not pronounce), the ring in the spaghetti. It was perfect. There was absolutely nothing that could go wrong. There was one plan of action, one way this could go, one conclusion. Everything was all laid out before him, just the way he liked it.

So why was he so _nervous_?

"G'day Steve-o!"

The super soldier jumped at the chipper accent. "Geeze, Clint! Give a guy a little warning next time!"

Clint gave a small chuckle as he dangled out of the air-duct by the tips of his calloused fingers before dropping lightly to the floor. The thick carpet absorbed the shock of his landing, dampening his already soft footfalls. "Geeze?" The archer repeated amusedly, a smirk curving over his thin lips as he leaned casually against the wall. "You're cute, Cap. What's got your tights in a knot? I've haven't seen you this jumpy since Toni tried to get Natasha to smother you in your sleep."

Steve frowned thoughtfully. If _Clint_ had noticed...

"Toni's late."

"Ah. Date night?"

"Yeah."

"Ya know, I think she's still in her lab. Her AC/DC always makes the vents vibrate and...uh-oh, I gotta go! See you around!" The man scrambled quickly back up the duct, slamming the metal grate shut behind him.

"Hey! We've talked about this! No crawling around in the vents! This house has rules!"

Clint's only reply was an echoing call of, "Yes, Mother!"

The corners of Steve's lips quirked as he turned and...

...ran into a very angry assassin with a very colorful head of hair. And a curling mustache just above her upper lip, creatively drawn in with...Sharpie? Someone was feeling brave today.

Natasha's eyes remained unfocused, hazy with barely controlled rage. "Have you seen Barton?" What had Clint _done_? Natasha was positively _seething_.

"Umm...he just went up the vent. Why?" Steve couldn't stop his eye from resting on her hair. Was that a streak of…neon pink?

A string of furious Russian curses Steve did _not_ want the translations of fell from the assassin's lips before she managed to grind out, "You _don't_ want to know. Just that it involves flour and food coloring and I'm gonna _kill_ him. Do you hear me, Clint? I'm going to KILL YOU!"

There was a loud squeak from the ceiling, then a mad scrabbling noise, like the mad fluttering of a sparrow-or a hawk.

Romanoff glanced back at Steve, seeming to notice him for the first time. "Oh. Steve. Hi. You look nice. You taking Toni out?"

"Uh...yeah."

"Good luck." She turned and began to stride purposefully away, but turned back a half second later with a half-cocked smile. "She'll love the ring, but I recommend the cheesecake. Spaghetti can get messy."

* * *

"Access denied," The calmness of the electronic voice contrasted sharply with Steve's emotions. He scowled fiercely, and punched the code in again.

"Access denied."

"Of all the times to..." Steve banged loudly on the thick metal door. "Toni! Toni, it's me! Let me in!"

Silence.

And that's when a small trickle of unease squeezed its way into his heart, whetting the fear that always lingered in the back of his mind-that Toni would hurt herself, locked alone in the lab, be unable to move or call for help.

"JARVIS?"

The AI answered immediately, the smooth timbre of his voice a comforting constant in Steve's otherwise chaotic life. "Yes, Captain Rogers?"

"Could you bring up Toni's vitals? Is she still alive in there?"

A detailed diagram appeared on the panel next to the keypad as JARVIS' tone took on an amused tone. "Miss Stark is most definitely still alive, and has disabled the general Avenger's code for this lock. Might I suggest your personal one?"

"Of course." Steve murmured, scrolling through the list of numbers. Everything looked good, but Toni's heart was a bit too erratic for his taste..."Thank you, JARVIS."

"My pleasure, sir."

Steve's fingers stumbled clumsily across the keypad; he'd hardly ever had to use his personal code, but it would have been impossible to forget.

The door slid open with the loud chink of mechanical gears and the faint hiss of an airlock. He took a step inside, breathing in the familiar scent of motor oil, burned wires, and coffee, all tainted with a hint of eucalyptus.

"Toni? You in here?"

"Oh, hey Cap! I promise, I didn't forget this time. I've just been...hanging around. Aha! Punny!"

Steve frowned. She was here...but not? The lab was empty. "Where are you?" He called, beginning to wander the various benches and holo-screens. "Toni?"

"Up here...hey! Don't touch that! Put that back, you'll upset the…"

A loud SNAP! Sounded throughout the lab and a red-faced super soldier quickly placed the unidentified, now two-part object back on the table.

Toni kneaded her forehead between slender fingers as a quiet puff of air hissed from her nostrils. "Steve...honey, just look up."

He winced as he glanced at the ceiling, his eyes trailing the tracks made by the bright fluorescent lights. She only used 'honey' when...

"What are you doing on the ceiling?" Steve's voice was deceptively calm and it was Toni's turn to flinch; he strongly disapproved and discouraged of Toni's doing anything that may or may not interfere with her health (which meant anything _fun_).

"I was experimenting with magnetized armor and I may have made the prototype boots a _smidge_"-at this, she held up one hand, index finger and thumb mere millimeters apart-"too sensitive, and they decided that they _really_ liked all the pipes running through the ceiling, and, well..."

"How long have you been up there?!"

"Uhhh...about 15 minutes, give or take."

"JARVIS?"

"Approximately 2.35 hours."

"Hey, don't you trust me, Spangles? And JARVIS, you _traitor_! We will be discussing this later; I think I still have an old Windows 2.0 upgrade that I never did get rid of..."

Steve chuckled, expression softening. "Why didn't you ask JARVIS to get me? Or Natasha? Or even Clint?"

"Didn't want to bug you. Sides, this is a very _delicate_ process, and it needs to be done by a professional-someone who knows what she's doing."

"So should I get Bruce?"

"I said _she_, Captain Einstein. That obviously means _me_; I'm the only one qualified to..."

"Well, _you_ are currently stuck to the ceiling. Dum-E, bring me that crowbar."

"Nooooooo!" The woman wailed. "No, Stevey, noooo! Let me get myself down, you'll _ruin_ it! Noooo!"

He ignored her (years of practice), carefully positioning a chair beneath her. "Aren't your legs asleep?"

"My legs are _fine_, Ste..."

"Miss began to complain of loss of feeling in her lower legs and feet 1.3 hours ago." interrupted a crisp voice.

Toni huffed and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "Double traitor. I can always delete your sarcasm program, JARVIS. No! Don't use the crowbar! It'll damage the boots!"

"Thank you. Toni, baby, you don't need a suit of magnetized armor."

"Yes I dooooooooooo!" She howled.

Steve fit the lip of the crowbar between the gap of plaster ceiling and boot, wrapping an arm securely around her waist. "No, you doooooonnnnn'ttttt!"

One boot was freed, followed quickly by the next, as Toni landed softly in Steve's embrace.

Big doe eyes blinked owlishly as she gasped. "Wow...headrush."

"You should have called me." He scolded gently, stepping of the chair with his lover held firmly in his arms.

Toni hummed, pressing her forehead to his and squeezing her eyes closed. "I need to go get ready for our date." She whispered.

"Mmhmmm."

"You need to put me down."

"Nnnnnggghhh."

"Steeeeevvvveee..."She growled, though the weak sound held no real power.

"Hmmph." His arms tightened, confirming the fact that Toni wasn't getting away without a fight.

Time to pull out the big guns.

Toni sighed quietly, dancing her fingers up his jaw to stroke a few unruly wisps of his blonde hair that clung stubbornly to his temples (Steve argued adamantly that they were sideburns, but Toni wasn't so convinced). She tipped her head so that her lips just barely brushed the sensitive shell of his ear. "I'll wear my blue dress."

The super soldier reluctantly pulled away, eyes clouded with...something. "You will?"

"Yup. Cross my heart and everything." She dropped a hand to drag an index finger in an 'x' pattern across his chest.

He gave a moan of protest, but let her slide from her arms to the concrete floor.

She darted quickly to the door before he could change his mind, tossing him an enigmatic grin over her shoulder. "30 minutes, tops!"

* * *

Two hours later, they were finally seated at a secluded table at 'Le Café Très Chic'. The couple had been so late that the restaurant had given away their reservations, but, lucky for them, another couple had failed to show up at the given time. Steve just hoped their excuse for being late had been better than Toni's ("I fell asleep in the shower, alright?! Geeze!").

Steve frowned at his plate, subtly poking at the raw fish he thought (hoped was not) was his dinner. He hadn't been able to read the menu (it had been in French or Italian or some other language that he _couldn't _read), so he'd just asked the waiter for the special. He'd gotten something that looked like a uncooked cod, scaley and slimey. Steve didn't do to well with food that stared at him.

"Do you not like it?" asked Toni from across the table. Her chin was leaning against her small palm, elbow resting on the hard chestnut of the table. She wore a light smirk, as if she'd heard every panicked thought.

He could feel his face turn pink as he forced a smile. "No, I love it."

_"But how do I eat it?"_ he muttered softly to himself, jabbing the fish sharply with one of his silver forks.

A loud, startled laugh graced his ears. Apparently, she'd heard him. "Here-try some of my passion fruit chicken and if you like it, we can trade."

Steve glanced down at her plateful of yellow, snot-like goo. "Um, I think I'll stick with my...fish?"

Letting out another giggle, she leaned across the table, holding a forkful of the stuff. "Taste."

His upper lip peeled away from his teeth in a disgusted gesture. "No, thanks."

She smirked. "C'mon. You'll love it."

"I'm good."

"Open up! Here comes the airplane!" The fork bobbed up and down in a somewhat enticing manner.

"Toni." He gave her a stern look.

She tossed him one right back. "Steve."

"Fine" With a loud sigh, he ducked forward quickly, mouth clamping around the prongs. A sweet tangy warmth filled his mouth, offset by the meaty flavor of the chicken. He swished the pudding-like substance around with his tongue for a moment before swallowing. "This is really good."

She grinned at his surprised tone, holding up her plate in an offering gesture. "Trade?"

He smiled ruefully and shook his head as they exchanged plates. "Thanks.

Beaming, she began to busily cut up his 'fish' (Steve still had his doubts). "Welcome. This is a nice place."

"Yeah. Pepper helped me pick it out."

"A burger joint would've been fine, ya know."

"Well, I...I wanted it to be special."

Her nimble fingers twisted in a graceful waltz with his against the table top. "Anywhere is special with you, Steve."

Almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she yanked her hand out of his to bury her face in her arms with a loud groan.

"Toni?!" He didn't care how scared his voice sounded, Toni was in pain, and by default, nothing else mattered. He knew something had been wrong with that fish. "What's wrong?!"

She waved a hand absently, face still hidden. "Nothing, nothing, it's just...aggghhhh! You've corrupted me! You and Pepper! I sound like some sappy rom-com!"

Steve couldn't stop a snort from escaping before he managed to cover his mouth with a broad hand.

Toni glared at him, murder in her eyes. "Shut up."

Unable to help himself, he leaned over the tabled and pressed a tender kiss to her lips (she tasted better than anything at that restaurant, anyway). "I love you."

Before she could answer, a crisp voice interrupted, "Excuse me? Ms. Stark? Mr. Rogers? Your dessert is ready. Shall I bring it out for you?"

Steve's reply of "Yes," overpowered Toni's surprised, "What? We didn't order any dessert."

The waiter gave a smart salute, accompanied by a mischievous grin that could rival even Loki's. "Yes, Captain." He quickly gathered up the plates of half-eaten food and was gone.

Toni watched the waiter leave before turning to her boyfriend with a bewildered look. "What was all that about?"

He could feel a corner of his lips turn up into a smirk, and quickly took a sip of water to try to hide the face; he never smirked. Toni would know something was up. "Oh, I just called in early and asked if they could have some blueberry cheesecake ready when we got here. I know it's your favorite.

Her brown, doe eyes were narrowed with suspicious curiosity. "But couldn't you just have..."

"Your dessert, Ms. Stark." The waiter placed china plate, adorned with a large slice of cheesecake smothered in berries and purple sauce, on the empty place before her. "If there isn't anything else I can get you, I'll be off."

Steve flicked his fingers in a dismissive gesture, sharing a conspiratorial grin with the black-and-white clad waiter before the man trotted off.

"Penguin." Toni murmured under her breath, staring after the waiter.

"What?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing. Thanks for the blueberries. I _knew_ there was a reason I put up with you." She grinned at him as she scooped up her fork, poising it above a particularly succulent looking berry before a shimmer among the violet stained cake caught her eye.

"What's this..." She trailed off, staring in shock at the twining vibranium circlet set with a delicate blue diamond.

And then, the man with a plan was on one knee before her. "Toni Stark, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

She gaped at him, mouth open and closing like a fish out of water (Steve felt a touch of pride fill his gut as he realized that he had rendered the great comeback queen, Toni Stark, speechless). She glanced at the Steve, then at the ring, then back at Steve again.

"No."

The world sputtered and screeched to a stop. A thick, razor-sharp icicle slammed into his heart, stealing the breath from his lungs. His world stopped spinning.

"Can I ask why?" He managed to choke out. An impressive feat, considering that there was not a puff of air in his body.

She fell back against her chair with her arms crossed defensively over her chest, cupids' bow lips done up in a pout. "Because your ring is coming in the wine."

A relieved laugh found its way to his lips. "Tell you what: when the wine comes, I'll get my ring, and then we can both say yes."

Her eyes darted down to the cheesecake ring, then back up to Steve. "Are you sure? I mean, I'm not exactly someone who you'd want to spend the rest of your life with. I know I'm stubborn and narcissistic and frustrating and that I spend too much time in the lab and..."

"Toni. I've never been more sure in my entire life."

* * *

Somehow, she beat him to the car and was waiting at the driver's side like an anxious puppy before Steve had even made it out the door.

"Toni!" He groaned, pulling his keys out of his jacket pocket as he trotted quickly across the wet pavement to the Porsche. "I thought we agreed I would drive tonight."

She merely grinned. "Come on. All previous contracts are rendered null and void when you drive the Porsh. Plus, you drank 3 glasses of wine. You are legally drunk, my friend. It would be illegal for you to drive and we can't have Captain Murica breakin' the law!"

He sighed, tossing the keys over the roof of the of the car with an amused look. "Can't get drunk, Toni."

"And yet you're getting in the car...life's full of little mysteries." Toni clambered in, buckling her seat belt and smirking across the console at the...no, _her _super soldier. Smiling softly at the thought, she leaned over to let her lips slide effortlessly over his.

Steve gave a hum of pleasure as he buried his fingers in those soft curls. He let instinct consume him, shifting his attentions from her mouth to the underside of her chin. She let out a dreamy sight as he sucked lightly, running his tongue down along her silky throat and wondering what she'd do if...

A pair of tiny hands shoving at his chest pushed him out of the fuzzy, passion-filled haze. He pulled back, confusion (and, if you knew him well enough to detect it, no small amount of hurt) written across his face. "What's wrong?"

Toni's bright-red face and clouded eyes told it all, even as she answered, "Home, Cap'n. We should get home before this goes...any further."

The pride in his stomach reared its head again at the sight of his fiance's flushed face.

The emotion must have showed on his face, because Toni's expression soured and she gave Steve a swat on the arm. "Shut up."

He grinned, and, if anyone hadn't known that he was Captain America, they might have said that there was a hint of possessive smugness in that grin. "Never said anything."

* * *

"Steve! Look, Steve! It's snowing!"

Steve jolted awake and found himself face-to-face with a panoramic view of the thick, fluffy flakes. He glanced over at Toni, whose face shone with childish delight.

And it was impossible to miss that twining vibranium band wound around her slender finger as they curled over the steering wheel.

"Snowball fight?" he yawned with a smile, stretching his arms out to wrap around Toni's slim shoulders.

She laughed gently, flicking the blinker for the turn-off into Manhattan. "Just as long as Thor's on _my _team. Last time..."

Squeal!

Crunch!

Black.

* * *

It was the soft snowflakes melting against his face that woke him. He groaned, his eyes fluttering open despite the snow's desperate attempt to freeze his lashes together.

He was upside down. Why was he upside down? Where even was he?

He remembered taking Toni to dinner, sliding a ring onto her finger as she slid one onto his. He remembered getting in the car...had he fallen asleep? He was almost certain he had.

A hand raised to rub against his forehead, trying to swipe away the post-nap grogginess.

Wait...what was that? Why was his forehead wet?

Steve pulled his hand away from his head, squinting at his fingertips in the dim, cracked glow of the headlights.

Red. Red everywhere.

And it hit him like a wrecking ball.

The oncoming headlights. Toni, jerking the wheel sharply to the right, but realizing that it wouldn't be enough, not enough time. Toni, lunging...across...the seat...

"Toni!" He lunged forward, letting out a pained yelp as his injured head pressed against cold metal. He really was upside down.

He let out a growl, struggling with the lock on his belt. He had to get out. He had to get to Toni.

Why had she done something so stupid? He could protect himself, she knew that!

The release on the belt snicked open, dumping him unceremoniously on the roof of the car. He didn't take time to recover from the fall, leaping up and scrambling out of the ruined Porsche. He couldn't help but think, somewhat illogically, that Toni wouldn't be too happy about having to repair the car.

"Toni! Toni, where are you?"

The only sound was the wind whistling through the snowdrifts.

"Toni! Answer me!"

There was a quiet moan that may or may not have been "Steve", but at this rate, the man would take anything he could get.

"Don't worry, Toni! I'm coming! Just hold on!" He limped down the road, wincing as his full weight pressed on a twisted ankle. Oh, that hurt. His eyes darted down to see if the ankle was swollen...

...and rested on the long splatters of blood that stained the once-pure snow.

Steve shifted into a frenzied shuffle. "Hold on, Toni! Just hold on, I'm coming baby!"

A soft groan sounded.

A crumpled body appeared.

"Toni!" Steve let out a choked, strangled sob as he collapsed to his knees beside her. His hands fluttered over her prone form, wanting to touch but not daring to.

Her head turned slowly to face him, her pain-filled brown eyes ghosting up to meet his and all the air was pulled from his lungs. One cheek was scraped, smeared with road rash. A long slice arced across her nose and following the high line of her cheekbone. Her forehead was mottled with blue bruises, and her dark curls were matted with sweat and blood, sticking to the dark red liquid coating her cheeks. Her tongue flicked out to wet her cracked lips as she murmured, "How bad is it?"

His heart broke and, consequences be darned, gathered her carefully up in his arms. Her left leg was obviously broken, held away from her body at an awkward, twisted sort of angle, and the rest of her limbs were blotted with dark purple bruises and thick, black blood. And there was _so_ much. _Too _much. It oozed from the lacerations on her face and arms, saturated the torn fabric of her dress. She was limp, more relaxed than he'd ever seen her. "Toni! Toni, oh, _Toni..." _Steve wrenched his suit jacket from his shoulders, pressing against the blood that poured from the mangled skin and muscles of her stomach. The wool cloth was soaked through too quickly for his comfort.

Her bright pink tongue pressed lightly against the blood trickling from the corner of her mouth, trying to staunch the flow. "'M all numb. How're..." she paused, sucking in the snow-rich air. "How're you?"

He couldn't restrain the hysterical laugh that bubbled up to his lips. "Fine. But you're not. We...we need to get you to...to the...the hospital. We need to get you there right _now._" He shifted her weight to one arm, reaching with the other for his coat pocket. He could only pray his phone had somehow survived the crash...

"Wait." Toni gasped, reaching blindly for his hand. "Other driver..."

He stared down at her broken body, confused. "Other driver?"

"We...we hi' sommon. How're they?" Her words were labored and slurred, wheezed out between heavy, damp breaths.

"I didn't check." He tried to gently pull his hand away from her grasp. She needed a medic _now. _She was in _pain;_ he didn't care how numb she said she was, he'd seen the way her teeth had clenched, struggling to hide it from him.

"Go check." Her head lolled against his chest, like she'd lost the strength to keep it up.

"Toni, I can't! I won't leave you! You need an ambulance, a doctor, something! You're hurt!"

"'Ll be fine till you cin go see...other driver." Her eyelids drifted shut, and Steve realized for the first time how dangerously cold his fiance was.

"Hey! Hey, stay awake, stay with me, it's gonna be okay, 'kay baby? We're gonna get an ambulance and everything's gonna be okay."

Her eyelids clenched together as she whimpered softly, "Hurts, Steve."

His already broken heart shattered. "I know, I know, I'm going to call for help..."

"Thin go see other driver?"

"Yes, then I'll got see about the other driver." He'd never been able to lie to Toni, but apparently life-or-death situations were exceptions to the rule.

She released his hand and it darted into his pocket, clenching around the new Starkphone.

The screen was unbroken-not even a crack. The irony.

He punched in the pass code, and pressed the first number he came to.

Several precious, agonizing seconds trickled by, filled with nothing but the high-pitched ringing...

It was Tasha's voice. "_Hello?_"

_Oh, thank heaven. _"She's dying! I can't stop the bleeding!" Steve hadn't meant to shout into the phone's speakers, to infuse his words with such panic and desperation...it just came out like that.

"_Steve? Steve, is that you? What's wrong?_"

"There was an accident." His voice caught. "I don't know it happened, I don't know _why, _just call someone, send someone, something, _anything._"

"_An ambulance will be there soon. Do you know how the other driver is?_"

"I don't _care _about the other driver!"He didn't realize what he'd said till the words were out of his mouth. "I...I didn't mean it like that. It's just that...Toni, keep your eyes open! Stay with me baby!"

She whimpered softly, tucking her head against his bicep.

He clutched at her, swiping futilely at the blood that dribbled from the corner of her mouth with the pad of his thumb. "It's gonna be okay, Tash is sending someone. You're going to be fine. Just..._hold _on. Please, baby please." He'd managed to smooth his voice out into a calm tone to try to comfort Toni, but the minute he spoke to Natasha, the hysteria was back. "Tasha, _please._ I'm losing her! I can't lose her!"

"_Steve, you need to calm down. Just take deep breaths. We'll be there soon._"

The line disconnected, and the empty tone (that sounded a little _too _much like a flat line) reverberated through his eardrums.

Then, there was just Steve and Toni and the blood.

* * *

He knew that they knew she wouldn't last the night.

They strapped the respirator on her anyway.

He appreciated the thought-the hope.

He knew he shouldn't hope. That it wouldn't change anything, that it would only meet a slow, painful death.

But he hoped anyway.

They let him ride in the ambulance, and hold her hand as they darted around the small room, shouting things about Toni's erratic heartbeat or the overall lack of blood in her body.

He did his best to ignore their panicked remarks, and focused on Toni's wide brown eyes, tried to keep her calm.

When the ambulance arrived at the hospital, they rushed Toni inside. A nurse greeted Steve at the door and led him to a waiting room.

"When will I get to see her?" Steve questioned, hovering next to one of the lumpy-looking couches.

The man frowned, twisting the edge of his scrubs with anxious fingers, as if he hated to be the one to deliver the news. "I'm not sure. It depends on how long the surgery takes. You should be able to see her in the morning, though."

The nurse didn't add that she probably wouldn't be alive in the morning, only smiling sadly at Steve before jogging away down the hall, likely to the operating room.

The super soldier's knees gave out then, and he crumpled to the paisley fabric with a small groan. How had this happened? One moment, they were laughing and joking and in love and now...

...now she was...

No! She wasn't...

She couldn't be...

She would live. She would.

All he had to do was hope.

* * *

He sat for what felt like hours, his head buried in his hands as he knotted his blond hair in his fingers.

Please, just let her live. Just let her live.

"Ah, Good Captain! How fares the Woman of Iron?" Thor's bellow boomed across the white, unfeeling room.

The super soldier grunted as a heavy weight settled on the edge of the couch.

"Steve, where's Toni? Do you know how she's doing?" Steve could see Bruce in his mind's eye, hair wind-blown, shirt rumpled. At this time of night, he would have been in the lab, so his quiet eyes would be wild and made ridiculously large by his huge glasses. How many times had he and Toni laughed about those glasses? Hundreds, maybe even thousands.

"I don't know. I think they said surgery. I don't know."

"You okay, Cap?" Natasha's voice was a wealth of oxymorons-stone hard gentle, softly serious.

Steve sighed, falling back against the couch. "I'll be fine if Toni is."

Clint perched next to him on the arm of the couch, slinging an arm around Steve's shoulders. "Aww, I'm sure she'll be fine. I mean, we're talking about _Toni _here. That woman would outlive the sun if someone dared her to. She's too stubborn to die."

Steve glanced down at his hands. Soon after he'd gotten to the waiting room, he'd taken a half hour in the bathroom to try to wash off To...the blood. He'd scrubbed till his own hands had bleed, yet even now there was still dried bits of Ton..._the _blood crusted under his nails. "I don't know, Clint."

Bruce answered. "She's lived through worse. Think of the arc reactor, the kind of pain and surgery she'd have to endure to get that thing into her chest in the first place, let alone..."

"_You_ weren't there!" Steve exploded, flying from his seat. "_You_ didn't see what I saw! _You _don't have her blood on your hands, and _you _don't have to wake up tomorrow _knowing _that _you _could have saved her!"

He trailed off, gazing into their stunned faces.

And then he felt it.

A dark feeling permeated his heart, and the world grew dim, permeated with dull shades greys and navies.

That's when he realized. When he _knew._

"She's dead." His hollow voice trembled in time with his legs, and he collapsed against the couch. "She's dead."

"Cap, you can't know that." Clint murmured softly.

Steve didn't answer. He didn't need to.

* * *

"The man, who had been drinking heavily since about 5 PM, left the bar at about 12:30 in the morning. He drove along this road," the policeman gestured to the small line running along the worn road map, "In the wrong lane. When Ms. Stark turned around that blind corner there, she hit him head on.

"Somehow, she ended up in your lap, where the side of the car crumpled on impact. A good-sized chunk of metal-from where the windshield fits against the frame of the car, became lodged in her stomach as she was thrown from the car and landed about 15 feet away. She should have died on impact, but somehow survived long enough to be taken to the hospital, where the doctors were able to fix up her abdomen a bit, and splint her leg, but the trauma was too much. She died at 4:45 this morning." The officer lay down he report with a sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers. When he spoke again, his voice had lost its professionalism, and had taken on a bit more sympathy. "I'm so sorry, son. But, I just wanted you to know...it's a miracle she lived as long as she did. Everything said she should've died as soon as that car struck yours, but somehow she lived long enough to tell you goodbye. I don't mean to be crude, or cruel, but I just wanted to let you know how lucky you are to have had that. I never got to say goodbye to my father."

Steve stared down at the maps and official looking paper. Toni had never used paper-always joked that it was too outdated. "She was stubborn."

Officer Barnes snorted. "Stubborn? Son, if everyone was that _stubborn, _nobody would ever die!"

_But in the end, even sheer determination and a will of iron hadn't been enough to save her._

Steve forced a smile. "Yes, well...I don't think that anyone could be as stubborn as Toni is."

The smile slipped from his face as he felt a heavy paw settle on his shoulder. "Son, I'm real sorry about your girl. But that little gal saved your life. That piece of metal would have gone right through your heart. And, it's to my knowledge that even a super soldier like you could survive that."

When Steve didn't answer, the policeman leaned back, a thick gust of air streaming from his nose. "I'm not meanin' to be insensitive, really, I'm not. But Ms. Stark would've died anyway. She was so small, the airbag would've..."

"How's the other driver?" Steve interrupted, nausea threatening to discharge the contents of his stomach. He didn't want to know. His mind was still struggling to comprehend that Toni-the love, light, of his life-was..._gone._ He doubted his heart ever would.

Officer Barnes' lip curled as a look of disgust crept over his face at Steve's words. "You mean the drunk? He's fine; the drinkers usually are, they're muscles are so relaxed. He had a interestingly colored bruise on his left temple, but other than that, he was perfectly fine. We took 'im in as soon as we got there. Turns out, he's a three time DUI offender, didn't even have a license. He'll do time for this-negligent homicide, and whatnot." The man leaned back in his chair and sighed again. "Anythin' else you need, son? Anythin' I can get you?"

Steve stared across the hospital bed at Toni's cooling body, her rich Italian skin tone washed pale by death's icy fingers. The only time he'd ever seen her look so peaceful was when he slept with her, his arms wound around her tiny body in a desperate attempt to keep the nightmares away. "No."

The policeman stood to leave, but paused in the open doorway. "Son, I really am sorry for your loss. But I want you to remember that revenge is never the right way to go."

Steve leaned forward to grasp Toni's stiff fingers, half-expecting her brown eyes to flutter open, a grin to tug at that freckle-smattered button nose. "Of course, Officer."

Toni's eyes stayed closed.

* * *

An hour before the funeral, Natasha found Steve in Toni's workshop, curled up on the patched-up, old couch, staring at his phone.

As she looked over his shoulder, she found he was staring at his wallpaper-a picture of him and Toni, grinning faces smashed onto the small screen of the mobile.

"Steve, you need to get ready. The funeral's in an hour."

"We took this picture at Disneyland. Did you know that?"

"Uh...no."

A small smile played across Steve's chapped lips. "Yeah. We went there for our two year anniversary. It was a disaster. Between the two of us, we couldn't manage a ride without a panic attack. So, we went back to our hotel and bummed Anaheim around for the rest of the week. Watched a baseball game, went to a concert...it was a lot of fun. Toni was always able to take a something awful and make it fun."

Natasha patted Steve awkwardly on the shoulder. "I miss her too, Steve."

* * *

"It's weird to see Toni so still." Clint hissed to Natasha, hiding his words behind an upraised hand. "I don't think I've ever seen her sit for more than a minute at a time without going stir-crazy."

Steve gave an aching, reminiscent smile at the man's words. He was right; Toni was always moving, even in sleep.

It was strange to see Toni lying prone in the expensive black coffin, slowly being lowered into the ground.

He wanted to shout at them to wait, to check her pulse just _one more time. _

A tear slipped from the corner of his eye, and he quickly brushed up a hand to push it back. He had to stay strong. For the team. Toni would have wanted it.

He could practically feel her slapping his shoulder with the back of her hand at his ridiculousness, her smirk against the back of his neck as she snuck up for a kiss.

_ "Stop being so ridiculous."_

His breath caught in his lungs, and his head swung round, searching. Hoping.

There was nothing behind him.

When he looked forward, Toni's grave was half-filled with rich soil.

After the earth had been smoothed, a sense of grim finality set over the crowd. She really was gone. There was no coming back from this.

Dead.

She was dead.

Spectators began to trickle away. First the press. Then Fury and a couple dozen SHEILD agents. Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy were next. One by one, the Avengers began to fade, till Thor gave Steve's shoulder a squeeze and then...

...then he collapsed to his knees next to Toni's grave, fitting his calloused fingers into the words carved on the headstone.

_Natasha Antonia Stark_

_May 29, 1986 to February 14, 2014_

_Caring Daughter, Sister, Creator, Friend,_

_Lover_

_May her legacy live on in our hearts._

Steve let the tears flow now, his head falling to his chest in defeat.

Gone.

She was gonegonegonegone.

She was _dead. _

He could hear Officer Barnes' words echoing through his head.

_'But I want you to remember that revenge is never the right way to go.'_

When Steve looked up, there was murder in his eyes.

Perhaps this was an exception.

* * *

_Wait, no one said what's lost cannot be found  
You are here to make it safe and sound,  
Oh we, can make it, out alive  
Fate, hath its way when all that's learned is sin  
Nothing really matters in the end,  
As long, as you, are with me, friend_

_Oh, dig my shallow grave  
It's not me you'll save  
'Cause I'm a lost cause_

_-Lost Cause, Imagine Dragons_

~fin~

* * *

**A/N: **One quick note: I won't be writing a sequel, or another chapter. This is as complete as it will ever be.

Well, I hope you enjoyed it (or didn't; that's fine too). Feedback (constructive criticism, flames, I'll take anything) is most appreciated (the thing I'm most worried about is keeping everyone in character; how'd I do? :)


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